We used to be together always
by White Stone
Summary: Ben watches a special wedding. Chapter two may be an AU also. A Ben/Juliet/Jack triangle.
1. Chapter 1

**We used to be together always**

**By:** Amee Eliza

**Summary:** Ben goes to Juliet and Jack's wedding. Set in 2005. An AU of course.

**Notes:** I used two songs in here. I used: The show must go on- Queen and Losing my favorite game- The cardigans

When Ben Linus heard about the wedding he was sure to go. But in ambiguity and offering nothing. Why shouldn't he go? Juliet use to be his alone and he needed to see her before this was all over.

When Jack saved her life, Ben knew Juliet wanted to be with him. So, he pulled her to a wormhole and let her loose. Let her loose in one way than one. His heart felt bitterly cold when he thought of Jack and Juliet together. When the camera focused on their image kissing his stomach turned.

It did eat at him. But he played unaffected card. Ben looked at the announcement in the paper.

"Juliet Shepard." Ben whispered to himself in realization.

Why was he doing this? He had work to do. He could not waste it on his personal emotions but then he convinced himself it was necessary for his human half to peel free of the woman. This angel who had ripped his heart out and let him bleed on a tormenting sandy shore.

The salt water ate his flesh slowly. His daughter Alex. It was more than he could bear and he had scooped out more doubt and guilt than he could reason with.

But Ben shook it off. There was nothing he could do or say to end the matter. She was gone and it would hurt as long as he breathed this accursed oxygen.

He checked his watch. The apartment was still and the coffee maker stood lonesomely on the counter. He could not drink coffee. It was a small apartment with one room and a bathroom made for mice, not men. He had no severe devotion to any place he had been. They were just spaces he had to jump to. The island was his only comfort and he dreamed of it. But it did not dream of him. He was a reject. The weak. So he was executed from the island.

Ben got opened his door and the morning air greeted him. His black clothing made him look sleek and strangely youthful. Ben locked the door and pushed the key into his pocket. He came down the stair to the parking lot. His white Chrysler Sebring was parked near right of the end of the building and sort of crooked. He had come in late that night and not precisely parked. He was wearisome from the research he and Sayid had done on Widimore's ties.

Finally, they found a match: Christopher Sheriff.

The man had done dealings with Widimore and obviously was involved in the plot to get the oceanic six to talk. Widimore knew well that they were others who didn't leave and that the coverup was not regarded as a tough nut to crack.

Ben knew that whatever happened the war must go on. Now, this war over his flawed human side must be coddled, a little.

Ben knew the most efficient way to get there on time would be to take the freeway. So he signaled and got to the nearest right lane. He made the turn and got on the freeway.

He turned on the radio. The melody seemed so familiar:

_Empty spaces - what are we living for?  
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score..  
On and on!  
Does anybody know what we are looking for?_

Ben kept driving the beat of the song touching deep inside his mind. Queen, such a long time ago he heard a song from them.

Then he smiled when they sang: "The show must go on."

Ben got off his exit and another driver cut him off. Ben frowned. He turned and saw the city and drove past a hotel then took the city street all the way to the cathedral.

Ben parked in the back lot and traveled to the steps. The sun came up and people were waiting to be let in. Ben felt nervous. People were not his friends. They didn't know him; they didn't care. He was a stranger. It didn't matter he told himself. None of it mattered.

There were statues of golden angels with holy trumpets. Ben analyzed them. They looked sturdy and peaceful. At least they were. Peace never touched him one day in his pathetic life.

Then the priest called them all in. Ben quickly maneuvered his way in and sat in the back pew. People chattered quietly and he heard only a few words. A woman got out a hankie in preparation. Jack's Mom. Ben could tell. A young child whimpered for his juice cup.

It made him think of Alex, at the time she was young and problematic. She would throw fits and he would try to direct her to behaving. When she was sad he would take her up into his short arms and pat her back. She fell asleep at times.

But that was so long ago. Distant.

Then the organ played Felix Mendelssohn's wedding march and all heads turned. Ben's heart jumped.

The woman came. Oh what a beautiful lady. In her dress she looked like she was promoted among the gods. Zeus received her with outstretched arms. Jack waited at the end.

The gown was pale white and beaded all along the chapel train. The v-neck cut gave grace unto her neck. The vertical lace bands flowed all the way down the front of the gown. Over the gown there was a tulle overlay.

Ben tried not to be stunned but he was. He kept low as everyone stood.

This was the moment he would lose his favorite game. He could lose his mind again, he would lose his darling. Forever.

* * *

**Author's note: **I want to do two AU within this. I want to do one where Jack marries Juliet and one where Juliet and Ben get married. This came out of nowhere. I just dwelled on this and it came to inspire me to write these one-shots.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

**By:** Amee Eliza

"Ben your bride is ready." Tom poked his head in his regular old jolly way.

Ben tightened his tie. It was rose pink and his tie was black and spiffy. Ben frowned at his reflection in the mirror and leaned against the wall.

It was his sole support now.

This was a dream. This was not suppose to happen. Juliet, love him? This was a joke!

But the blonde haired fertility doctor was his alone. She loved him and he loved her.

All there past seemed to be forgotten by each other but they both remembered. Ben remembered her affair with Goodwin and her infatuation with Jack. This all hurt him but he never told. Juliet remembered how she had accused him of killing Goodwin and how he wouldn't let her off the island. She knew now why he couldn't let her slip away.

Ben had seen the future and call it crazy but it was true. He knew she was "suppose" to stay on the island. Ben was glad things ended the way they did. He was glad Jack was gone and the castaways free.

But some stood their ground and insisted to stay on the island. They were now members of the group. John stayed (which didn't surprise Ben), Sawyer (the rebel did deserve a new life didn't he), and Rose and Bernard.

They loved the island. All in different measurements and degrees.

John understood this nostalgia of the island more than anyone.

Sawyer was good natured and determined. Ben knew he could count on him.

Rose and Bernard helped with the children Zack and Emma and Bernard even commented that he might help Ben with his "bad teeth."

This was too serene. Was the sun really shining with so warmth and life? Or would it fall down suddenly like Dorothy's house in _The wizard of oz? _

Ben knew Juliet and him still had a lot to speak of. He knew a marriage must have clear communication and that love must be imparted to each other.

But he was so afraid. So scared. His heart raced. He didn't know how to be a good husband. What if he wasn't good enough for her?

The kiss was also a dread. He had never kissed a girl. He never admitted it to anyone but his friend Annie. She did not laugh or torment him about this fact. But understood his decision to not be revealing with his emotions.

His heart hurt. Was this how a man was suppose to feel on his wedding day?'

The room was still. The over sheet was Christmas green but the covers were mottled.

He stared at it and smiled. Then shivered.

The lamps were set in their places on the drawers and bed stand. A copy of _Of mice and men _lay on the bed.

He remembered when Lennie grew scared he could not think and killed things and somehow Ben understood his woe. The world was such a cold place. To live there was only one joy as Steinbeck said again and again: to be with other people. To share lives together in joy, tumult, sorrow, rage, love, hate, loss, redemption. It all was not so bland but a deep hole that sucked many to the deep. Like a rip current pulling children out further into the waters. Murky sea waters where who knows what creeps.

He remembered well what it was to be small and helpless. He had eaten the dust and he had eaten the cake in his life. Rodger was gone and Ben regarded it with glacial feelings. They tortured him but he didn't notice. He had put them on so many times they had grown in him, like a coat put on again and again in stormy weather.

Would there ever be a calm?

"Ben get your butt out there." John squealed.

He noticed Ben's face was towards the wall.

"Having a nice conversation?" John broke in through the silence with good humor.

Ben shivered.

"Coming." He said like there was a frog in his throat.

He came down the island and he looked at the faces. Some smiled and some looked around at the breeze's blowing of the palms.

It was a sunny day and the white gazebo looked happy.

The sea was heard and then she came.

_I will love you always._

* * *

**Author's note**: I hope you all enjoyed. And if you couldn't tell I was trying really hard to dig deep into the mind of Ben. I love "Of mice and Men." Tell me what you think brotha!


End file.
